Usually, when I am on vacation I am on relaxed mode. People confirmed this, but I know I am relaxed when I do not plan, make sure things are on schedule and perfect. I just wing it, which turns into all sorts of more or less funny situations. All better than anything planned for sure, because you do not learn anything from something that turns out the way you planned.
However, driving is a somewhat of a constant stress for me, still. And this morning I was particularly stressed by a school car that was going way too slow, which is even more uncommon as being in driving school and a new driver is still very fresh in my mind. I know that I get cranky when I am tired and have to drive, but it was morning. I did make a quite unrealistic plan* for this trip (visit all the waterfalls in the area 😅) and had to be thanked with what I could actually do, which was a lot anyway and I am pleased.
However, this morning I was hoping to get the most of the day and had some sort of energy that I associate with my angry self. This part of me allows me to do more, to overcome obstacles, keeps me motivated and focused. I do not know of an instance to be driven to do something without being in this state.
Yesterday for instance, I was calm, just enjoying. No clear plan, just enjoy the day. The pretext of this trip was to see the waterfalls. The actual purpose was to drive for a long distance all by myself and on mountain roads which was a total win. When I left Bucharest I took the south road to go as straight as possible while wandering what the fuck made me get out of my confort zone. On the way back I will take the road through the hills, much more interesting.
Today however, I wanted to make up for the time ‘wasted’ yesterday while at the same time remembering I should relax as I am on vacation. Hence my angry state in the morning. What happened is that when I got to the waterfall I was supposed to see today, which was quite uninteresting even if it would have still been whole, I noticed there was a way up. It seemed quite difficult to go that way, but since yesterday I gave up fiind on a easy mountain road because I was in flat sandals, I figured i could make up today since I was in baskets – not for mountain ofc 🙄
I climbed quite a lot, but after an hour my mental state gave up and the trip down was quite difficult so it might not have been such a bad decision (also, I was running out of water), but I want to return better equiped because I am sure it is worth the climb.
Nonetheless the experience left me with a very powefull feeling. It also left me aware that if I wasn’t in the angry state and was relaxed as yesterday, I wouldn’t have even tried. I do wonder if people that are ‘ok’ are able to strive for better. Are they even aware that is possible? I know that if I would be ‘ok’ I wouldn’t try to better myself. I feel that is a loss. Being happy should not be the goal in life. Being better should be. And enjoying any small win on the road ofc 😊
*my vacation plans are more guidelines then actual plans 😄