Loneliness is my safe place

In the last five years, but particularly in the last two years, I became a social person. I reverted slowly but surely from a person who you had to insist to get out of the house to a person who got other people out and about.

Staying in the house with myself is my safe place. Doing things alone was always my choice. In the last two years I noticed I’m less motivated to go places alone, but I still prefer it. The trip to Florence last year proved in several instances that doing what I want requires that I be alone. Although it also proved I can find people with whom I can do what I want for a little while. The key is not to hold on to the people. Enjoy what you can share with them for as long as you walk the same road and then move on. Don’t force them on your road and do not force yourself on their road.

You would think I don’t need a reminder of this since the last trip with friends, three years ago, was a disaster. Thankfully I fell off the bike and ruined the trip for all, but saved it for myself. 😅 I wish I could say I planned that, but one cannot fake this situation …or maybe but I don’t even want to get into what that would mean for the psychology of the person who would.

I read what I wrote on the 1st of January and… Well… I seemed to take travelling for granted in that post 😆 #karmafrate However, it turned out once again that I am very inspired as all my trips are planed for autumn (though who knows 🤷) and maybe June, but the jury is out on that for financial reasons rather than other reasons.

It does seem at the same time that the universe is against my seeing my dove again or anytime soon …let’s not be dramatic. Although… 🤷

My greatest fear these days was that by staying at home I would like it too much, because I do. And the time to work on my art is most welcomed. Plus the combination of art and electronics/ programing would make me the typical stay at home kind of person, because I would have all I need home and a lot of things can be done online these days, if not all.

Fortunately, while photographing one of my latest works I realized I won’t go back there. At best, and hopefully this time I could stick to it, I would find a balance between social and self, the kind I had for a while two years ago. This break should help me restructure some priorities in my mind and help me do some things otherwise seemed quite hard and I was about to decide not burdening myself with them, but that are very important for my mental well-being.

About this work, all I will say so far is that the butterfly is taken from an installation by Nao Kimura, I saw in Como, Italy, where I had a work shown too. I took the butterfly because it was loose from the installation and just lying on the floor, as a reminder. I never thought it would be more. Essentially, it is still a reminder, but not (just) of that exhibition. Most importantly, it is a reminder of why I need art in my life and not just mine, others’ as well and a reminder that other people help you evolve. Stuck at home is just that. Stuck.

It’s good to be with yourself. It is good to be with others too. Balance is the key and balance is not 50-50, it is more of what you need, but with some of the other as well.


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