If I had to describe myself…

I had to write a short description of myself recently, not as an artist, at least, I didn’t think of it that way, but as a person.

What came out, without much thought, was : I’m a person that likes what is considered to be impossible, the lack of clarity, chaos and freedom.

And imperfections, I might add now.

What is considered impossible can be just about anything, depending on context. I like to go beyond what I imagine I can possibly do to achieve what I want. Or I would like to be that strong, but I love people that do it. I take my hope from them.

Clarity and the lack of it have been on my mind since November last year, since my dove informed me that she loves clarity and constancy, although she can’t seem to be capable of either. While inconstancy hurts like hell and has been the reason I left several people behind, clarity is not something I require. I would think that because my dove is unclear about her thoughts and intentions is why I still drive inspiration from her. My brain is free to imagine whichever meaning it desires and since she is inconstant in her behaviour as well, I can really imagine anything. Which is great because I like imagening stuff. This, paired with the fact that I do not consider her a real person, allows me not to lose site of reality. I know, weird, but I’m just saying that what goes on in my head stays in my head. Unless I will get Alzheimer’s …that would be funny. I have a whole imaginary world that even though it takes inspiration from the real world, it has nothing to do with it. I have a feeling these thoughts might outlast real memories.

Recently, I thought that it is good to have things that are not clear because if everything would be clear it would be chaos and we couldn’t focus on anything. Like in a painting (or actually like the eye sight is build. Because we don’t see everything clearly. Depending on our eye sight, we are guessing at most things, actually). In fact, my favorite style of painting is Impressionism, which is the chef d’oeuvre of what the beauty of unclarity looks like.

I like chaos too, though. I find order restrictive for creativity.

All of the above revolve around the fact that they allow us to be free to choose how we interpret something, how we build our reality, what we feel about it. It is a great responsibility and it should be frightening.

There is nothing more ilustrative, from my point of view, of what freedom is than the end of this video from Mylene Farmer.

I like imprefections because perfection is the opposite of everything else above, it is stable and ordered. Perfection can be reproduced, imperfections are unique.

I’m not saying order is undesirable to me, just that I like to keep it flexible, like Japanese houses in earthquake areas. An earthquake might tear the house down, but it can be rebuilt quite easily as opposed to looking at a heap of stones one wouldn’t even know where to begin fixing.


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