“They took my choice from me…”

The reason I do not like Yennifer is because she does not take responsibility for her own choices. When she said she wants children because she didn’t realize what this would mean to her when she became a mage and that “they took this choice from her”, she doesn’t realize that she made a choice back then. She was even asked “Are you sure ? Do you understand what this means?” Just because it turns out that she didn’t understand what it meant back then doesn’t make it any less her choice and no one else’s.

Last night I had a sort of identity crisis. It happens from time to time, not necessarily having to do anything with the beging of the year or the fact that I was about to go to bed. It can hit me in the middle of the day (though, that must be a hell of a boring day).

Now, questioning who I am is something that has been going on ever since last summer as I feel like I have changed a lot and I still have no idea if for the better, not that it matters really. So, last night is probably just a natural conclusion.

I found a work place I could see myself at for several years (the horror!). I had a plan to find something for a year, two at most.

The crisis… Now that I think about it is more related to age than identity 🤷, came at the thought that I am going to be soon at an age I will no longer feel ok to be on an entry level job, no matter how well paid it is. Feel ok? Really? Duh… But, yeah, that thought came to mind and it has a lot to do with the people around being much younger. I mean… I shouldn’t care since I do not want a corporate career. Right? So I guess, I have to make a choice…

For me, the choice is mostly between financial stability and to insure that the future me will be better off, or live in the now and that the present me is well enough.

Because this new job, as ok as it is (might be), it still is me living for the future and not in the present.

And I clearly do not want to be here as it’s my third day and I will be late. Unacceptable 🙄 please add stress 🤷

The problem with the future is that it never comes. At some point, one has to decide to live in the present or they will not live at all. So, why not make that choice sooner that later.

And stick with it, stp.