Story time III

Story from Goenka‘s discourses:

A mother sends one of her sons to fill a bottle with oil for 10 rupees.

The son trips and spills half of the oil from the bottle. He comes home crying and says he has lost half of the oil.

The story being a story, the mothers sends a second son to fill the bottle with oil. As it is a story, this son also trips and spills half of the oil, but he comes home laughing: “Look, mom, I saved half of the oil. The bottle could have fallen and broken and all oil would have been lost then.”

The story is still a story, so the mother sends a third son, who also trips and spills half of the oil. Same as the second, he comes home happy, saying he saved half of the oil, but he continues: “I also lost half of the oil. Therefore, I am going to town to work amd recover the 5 rupees and fill the bottle with oil again.”

I like this story because people who call themselves realists (though nothing is real), are described by the first son. People who are spiritual fall into the second son category of delusional optimism and no accountability, where other people need to pick up the pieces after them. Very few people, spiritual or not, fall into the third son category where they observe the situation from different angles and respond accordingly.

What most people don’t understand is that our mother (Nature) gave her sons a bottle to fill with oil (knowledge), but they didn’t just spill half of it, they broken the bottle and set it on fire with the whole village and some of the daughters are contributing now to the fire also, because why not?

One of my favorite quotes from spiritual people are:

Goenka: “Being equanimous doesn’t mean that I am a vagetable now, someone can cut me. I don’t care. Nothing doing*.”

Mircea Nicoara (Up Yoga Studio): “Să fii spiritual nu înseamnă că ești fraier.” (Being spiritual doesn’t mean you let people step all over you.)

Both mentioned that a harsher response may be appropriate sometimes. What is important is to keep calm inside even if at the exterior you need to be aggitated. Like running fast but breathing deeply and steadily.

I can relate to this, as I observed for some years now, that sometimes I have an angry attitude, but I do not feel angry inside, in my body sensations. I would call this getting angry out of principle. For instance, last year, I had to ship a larger artwork to Spain and I contracted a company to find me someone to deliver it. After we agreed on the deal and the delivery company they found took the artwork, I noticed someting was wrong with the awb details so I wrote to the company I contracted and they started blaming me for not giving the correct details and insisting that those they had were the correct ones. They proceeded to ask for more money or proof that what I said was true, which was not possible since I no longer had the package. I did manage to get proofs as I built the box myself and has photos, but they refused to acknowledge what I said. After over 20 emails, I found no alternative than to file a complaint against the person in charge of my case with the company and threathen to file a complaint with the National Customer Protection Agency. Finally, they have seen the package delivered without any additional costs, after another 15 emails exchanged, which were focused on solving the issue not blaming.

Goenka mentions that sometimes people need to be addressed in a manner they understand which means being harsher or even threatening. What is important is not to have ill-will or hatred for the person you are dealing with. I did notice this, especially in work environments, that if I do not bang the fist on the table, so to speak, I do not get what I need no matter how many times I ask nicely. Thid has always annoyed me, that I had to be mean to be heard. I realized three years ago that speaking my truth was necessary even if it would hurt some people as long as my intention was for my own healing and not hurting others.

Goenka goes on to explain that if one sees injustice, they must act if they can. Equanimity doesn’t mean indiference. He underlines “seeing misery as misery” without reacting with suffering. Something is unfair. It is what it is. If one can do something about it, it would be a “disaster” not to do that, as Sadhguru points out.

The difficulty for me with acting is when Goenka says this must be done with compassion …for the agressor. Bassically, you take any masures necessary within your capabilities to stop the agressor while having compassion for them since by hurting others they also hurt themselves. So you act with the understanding that you also benefit the agressor by stopping them. Experiencially this is something I do not know.

If one cannot do something about it, then there is no point in suffering because of that since it will only increases the misery. Denying or refusing to see the injustice because you cannot do something about it, that is an expression of suffering from one’s own helplesness. Indeference is ignorance. Ignorance isn’t bliss, it is misery.

Misery is. Unfortunately. What anyone can do is observe it.

If one observes misery without reacting, it will not multiply and it will pass away. That is the lesson of Vipassana for me as I experience it.

* Goenka keeps saying “nothing doing” when something doesn’t make sense and I am momentarily attached to this expression. Nothing doing.