I do not seem to care if I get to a planned destination.
This morning, I finished my first Vipassana course and came out of it dazed as if waking up from a way too real dream. I felt dettached and hypersesitive, but not only in my usual perciving of everything at a cognitive level, but conciously through every cell of my body. The difference is that before every percived thing that my mind didn’t have time to deal with cognitively (which would be most of the things, since I also have to breathe haha), would store in my body and create tension. Now they are just passing through as they should. That awarness is still there as I write this, but the dreamlike state is gone. However, I am a prisoner of the present moment and writing even only about what just happened today (let alone the past 11 days) is almost physicaly painful. I will make the effort though as it will help me get back to the temporality I need to acnowledge to function in this society.
I am very fortunate to have had the chance for one day before coming back home and have chosen to spend it in the small town in Spain where Dhamma Neru is situated. It is the best transition I could have asked for.
After walking though the park/ wood close to where I was staying, I decided to go to the forest on the other side of the town. Initially, I wanted to find a place by the river, look at the water flowing and write down my experience at the vipassana course, but I realized it was all too fresh and I needed to stay with the experience rather than taking it out.
On the other side of the town, about an hour walk through the woods is the ruin of a castle and I felt it was a good destination.
As I was walking, I realized my perception bounced between inside and outside. I was in turn aware of the nature around and the sensations I felt throughout my body. I cannot begin to explain the richness of experiencing the world through your entire body, not only your eyes and ears. At the same time, I was nauseated. It is not something I am used to. Nonetheless, I kept walking through a mostly sunny path.
Everything was fasinating: from a pile of stacked rocks, to a jumanji looking like plant, to the pantless trees that seem to be in fashion around here, but especially the yellow with green edge butterfly I couldn’t photograph, but stopped everytime to watch fly around me.
At one point, I missed a turn in the road as it was going down and I kept going up. I realized and decided to turn around though the destination was just a pretext to walk in the woods at this point. I then saw the ruined castle in the distance and though I couldn’t tell how I would get there. I didn’t care enough to wonder much though. The road I was on was supposed to take me there, if I was supposed to get there.
I got to the crossroad with the jumanji plant and there were three signs pointing to diffrent destinations and the road for the castle was different than what I saw on google maps. I went with google because it took me by the river and oh, how that was an experienece!
I stood there some time. Placed my feet in the cold water and stood on the shore until I felt ready to move on …just to realize the road on google maps didn’t exist. Haha. I went on a side road that seemed to go the right direction just to realize that it turned into a little creek. No matter. I move on, until the road seemed to have collapsed and, further on, some trees were fallen over it. There was another road going maybe in the right direction, but I figured I already did what I needed today: walked in the woods and sat on the shore of a river.
Therefore, I turned around on the “official” way to the castle, back to the crossroads. When I came down the steep road that was leading there earlier, I though I will not go back the same way, but take the urban road from the castle. Now, that wasn’t an option since I didn’t reach the castle. As I was starting to dread the walk back, a yellow butterfly flu aroud me and I stopped in amazment to watch. Just like that the previous feeling was gone. Anicca. Haha. I moved on and soon realized that my nausea dissapeared since I put my feet in the cold water of the river. I feel like I flu on the way back. I was so revigorated, when I came back to the city I continued exploring. There really are woodpekers in these forests. I couldn’t see one, but I heard them. And some other beautiful birds I don’t know the name or have photos of.
Before getting back though, I sidetraked a bit, to follow a path of stalked stones though there was a stop sign for that way which probably meant it was a private propriety. My mind created this scenario where a serial killer placed those rocks to attract curious victims. Haha. The stalcking seemed to me to have and air of buddhism to them. However, the chances the person who placed them is an enlightened person or a serial killer are the same.
Speaking of the people here, there is an atmosphere to this town of awarness and kindness. When I arrived almost two weeks ago, it was late and the hostel reception was closed. Before I could retrieve the phone numer they told me to call, a lady stopped though it was raining. She called the owner as she knew him, and didn’t leave me alone until the owner answered and came to get me. In turn, he was always patient and helpful. I had this experience with everyone I interacted with and felt only acceptence and patience. When I almost reached the edge of the forest coming back, I stopped again on the pass over the river and stood there to watch it. A car came and the driver didn’t honk. He waited for me to notice and get out of the way. It didn’t take me long, but it would have been too long elswhere. He also thanked me when he passed by as if he disturbed me, not me him by sitting in the middle of the road.
And everyone is a little too happy haha. After the vipassana experience this doesn’t seem wierd, fake or anything like that. People are really happy. Good for them. While being aware of what’s not going on fearly in the world. Even better.
The joy of creating 