Que me quitara la fatiga…

It’s been a tiring year, but unlike last year, it was a year of confirmation.

First of all, it reinforces my idea that everything we experience, see and make is natural. If it weren’t it couldn’t exist. Nature, meaning the laws of physics that govern everything, would not permit it to exist. You may say for instance that fertilized fruits aren’t natural because they wouldn’t grow as much on their own. However, mutations exist in nature, and it is not impossible that in time a fruit will grow that big without fertilizer produced by humans. Mutations are natural. However, without human intervention it takes thousands of years of trial and error to get to something viable, if ever. We are nature’s consciousness and it’s way to speed up the evolution process. It may sound like we are Gods, and in some small way we are. We can shape things and we do that even if we own our god like influence or not. Stopping from doing that is not an option since it is how we thrive. By adjusting our environment. It is an incredible power. We are left only to acknowledge the responsibility this power come with. That’s not going to happen though if we do not give up shifting responsibility to God and nature, as sperate things from us. We are nature. We are like a river carving through rock to make its way downhill, only much faster and flooding everything along the way.

This doesn’t mean that we should shift the responsibility on the human society, this faceless organism of which we are part of and, at the same time, dissociated from. We expect things from society, without taking responsibility for how our own actions shape it. Recently, I was at a conference on ecology, and most people agreed that change can only happen when forced by authorities, because companies will not change policy otherwise. Historically speaking, though, change come from the middle class, which represents the majority of people. When the middle class gets enough education and changes views, some people will rise to impose the change for all, which does not necessarily mean that change is good …for all.

In any case, the use of the word “nature” to depict something separate or, worst, opposite to humans does a lot of damage if we ever hope to find a way to be in harmony with our surroundings. Which leads me to the next confirmation…

How we use words is important. I do not mean swearing. You can swear all you want. Just make sure you say what you mean. We do not seem aware of how the words we use are an image of our true views and reinforce those views that we may not want to have or claim not to have. You may be aqueinted to what a Freudian slip is, when you use a word or do something that slips your conscious intentions to reveal your true state of mind, like writing Best retards instead of Best regards. This happens because we live in a society that does not value truth. If you say what you mean you are rude, unprofessional, unkind and so on. I would rather we live in a world where we can be honest. It would be painful for a while, but then we would get used to, and I promise you, you will not want to come back to this shit.

At the same time a care for how we use words is necessary. Say what you mean, but own the consequences. Words are very powerful. It is not by chance that in the myth of creation in the Bible, God created the Univers with words.

“Words are just words” is just something abusers say to excuse their abuse.

Saying “I am not a homophobe, I just don’t like to see gay people kiss in public” or using the words tzigan and negro, and claiming you are not raisist because you have a friend how is romani or of African descent are just the most common examples I’ve met this year of people not facing their own biases which leads to a perpetuation of discrimation, be it conscious or not. I would rather people admit they are racists. Yes, it is bad to be one, but let me help you with this: most of us are. Like with anything else, you need to be aware of it to change it and you need to talk to other people about it. It also takes time. In some cases your personal experience may validate your racism, say if you were beaten up by the people you discriminate against or have had things stolen from you or they were just too noisy for your liking. However, in most cases it is just internalised racism or discrimation.

For the longest time being gay was considered a disease or something unnatural because, you know, sex is only for reproductive purposes, said no man ever (I use man on purpose, because I suspect a lot of women stand sex with their partner just to reproduce). This engraved idea in our culture will not disappear just because we have gay parades now. People need to be aware they have this idea and think on it and talk about it constructuvely, not in a match of opinions where no on hears the other or, worst, people are devalued for holding a certain opinion that they feel obliged to defend lest they admit they are a bad person. Same with romani people. They have been marginalized for so long, that they themselves aren’t aware of their worth as humans. If you do not know you can do better, you won’t. I noticed that many people use the word tzigan to refer to a person that bothers them in some way irrespectively of that person being romani or not. This alone should be reason not to use that word to refer to an ethnic group.

Nonetheless, tzigan comes from the Greek word athinganos and it means “the untouchables” marking these people outside society. It is different etymologically from gypsy which means “people who come from Egypt”. The reason we have two different words for the same ethnicity is because at some point in they journey from India, romani people split into two groups, one group went to Spain and one ended up in the Balkans. Spanish people thought romani people came from Egypt and that’s that. Greeks on the other hand are bastards. Sorry, not sorry. This doesn’t mean Spanish people didn’t discriminate against romani people, because they still do.

We discriminate against what is different. We are not educated to have a flexible mind. Society doesn’t need that. Society needs stability even if it’s laws no longer serve the context we live in. Look, it’s been fine for hundred of years. Why change now? We need to go back to the Middle Ages. All was better then: no cancer, no depression, no economical crisis, no COVID. No one was complaining. + they had princesses ✨

What I wanted to say, but got carried away a bit, was that I started refering to romani people with this word after laughing at myself for half a year because I was researching flamenco, which is the romani culture in Spain, while being racist against them. Learning their history and changing the way I refer to them helps. I’m not saying I’m not racist anymore, but I am aware when I am and I can understand why and think about how I can change that. Basically, I’m on a path of understanding, which takes time, patience and kindness to oneself.

Kindness if the major discovery this year. I guess it’s the concept of 2022 for me. Since November, last year I am part of a group of kind people. Furthermore, the groups I’m meeting when going to contemporary dance workshops are for the most part comprised of kind people. To clarify, I do not consider myself a kind person, and I even take pride in that – come to me if you need to be shaken up and motivated to do something, not comforted. So, if I do not consider you kind it doesn’t mean you are a bad person, it doesn’t mean anything.

Kindness became so much my focus right now, I even have a muse when it come to it. She has an Instagram page and does workshops from time to time, if you want to be inspired as well:

I am focused now on being kind with myself. I fail miserably, but I also see progress. I expect kindness towards others will follow as an effect of being kind to myself. A place where I exercise this is the air yoga class, and I even have a story about this, but the post is already too long, so I’ll just leave you with one of my favorite poses.

As a consequence of discovering that the world does not need to be violent and rude, that the strongest isn’t the best, and that you do not need to struggle, be some one else to fit in or yell to be heard, I developed a sensitivity to violence for the sake of violence. I am quite unaffected by violence be it physical or emotional, even if it happens to me. My brain can bounce back quite fast from the initial discomfort or shame or whatever feeling it leaves me with as consequence of considering a violent behaviour normal, or even using it as a defence mechanism myself.

I discovered this year, that out of principle, I do not tolerate any behaviour or situation that normalizes violence as something human. We are a violent species, not the only though, and for the longest time we had to be. We do not have to be that way anymore. We have no predators, except some viruses and bacteria where violence is irrelevant anyway. We are our only predators. There is no need for violance anymore. We can cooperate. We can live differently. Life doesn’t have to be a competition. We have games and sports for that. We do not need to grow continuosly, have more profits, more things, more experiences. We can stand still or go for less at times. We do not have to hold on to our ideas. We can learn to live in uncertainty. We do not need to know where we will be in five years, just where we want to be now and go there. We can educate our* children to be emotionally intelligent, to have a flexible mind, to adjust, to include, to be a safe person for themselves and others.

These changes will take time though and will probably not be apparent in our life time, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Still, is it really worth the anxiety?

Anyway Milky Way will collide with Andromeda or another asteroid will hit Earth or the sun will explode or implode, I can’t remember. In short, we are doomed. Ain’t nobody want to go though that. Best we kill ourselves. At least we go on our own terms, right?

YOLO, unless you are a Buddhist…

*your children. I am not bringing one in this sick society so it can suffer because of your ill bred spawns. Jk. Btw, it is ok not to want children. You do not need to justify this choice or any other to anyone. Truth is I am too busy educating myself to be all that I said above.


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