Second note to self: the new project is not about my feelings. It’s about feelings in general or the feelings and experiences of other people. Inevitably I will mix my own feelings in there, but the project is not about them.
The first step of the project will be about the complexity of feelings and how sometimes it is hard to define them in one word… except if you are German. They can make anything one word if they want to. Like schadenfreude – it is the joy of seeing others suffer or fail. It is that comforting feeling that you are not the only one struggling. It isn’t pity. That’s when someone says “I’m sorry you are going through that” meaning “I’m glad I am not going through that”. Schadenfreude comes rather from a suffering person to another. So if you surprise yourself being glad that someone else is struggling, that means you are too even if you think you are fine (hint: no one is fine). However, do not hurt yourself trying to figure out what’s wrong with your life. The brain is a maze and you might get lost in it an see things that aren’t even there. If you think you are fine, just enjoy.* What’s wrong will hit you one day or not, if you are lucky.
I’ve been feeling a lot this year, but fortunately I had the chance and time to sort through them before I move on. I did it through painting and music. More about it in a later post. 😉
*Seeing a psychologist will also work. Just make sure you get a good one.