Rhythm 0

Something unexpected happened. I was in a yoga retreat last week and I returned from there with a renewed love for Marina Abramović. Didn’t see that coming and I am really happy about this because last time I was hooked on her and read her memories, I couldn’t really grasp what she was saying, but now I can.

Also, doing the Abramović method was my first sipiritual experience, although I didn’t know it at the time. What I thought was “lf I can do this, what else can I do?”, “If this is true, what else is true?”.

This was my first break with the mindless patterns which governed my life until then.

Reading her memoirs again, I reached Rhythm 0 and her realisation that the public can kill you as well as the fact that some of the people in the public were ashamed the next day and couldn’t justify why they did what they did.

They did it because there were no consequences and they had full control over her.

Something I would add is that given time any person who has control over you, no matter how well intended, will hurt you at least, if not worst.

A too recent personal experience confirmed this for me. The person said in the end that even if their methods are a bit harsh, all he does comes from love. He might have even said “great love”. I heard this my entire life from my mother and all I can say is that your intentions are irrelevant if the outcome is bad. 

And then I got to thinking about parents who have complete control over their children and how so few succed to minimize the damage they cause their children trying to protect them and do things for their “well-being”, when actually they aren’t looking for the child, but themselves and fail miserably at that last part as well, but at least what they do to themselves it’s their business. The child cannot protect or consent from/to what the parents do to them.

Basically your intention without direction is useless. If you intend to do good to me, but the direction of your actions hurt me, than the first part doesn’t matter. Not to me, and neither should it matter to anyone else. That is how abusers get away with things for as long as they do.

That’s why I love this “mantra” of contemporary dance : “intention, direction”, one without the other doesn’t do anything constructive. A nice move without intention is superficial and doesn’t actually makes anyone feel anything, whereas an intention to transmit something no matter how strong will not reach very far without the direction of the movement.

And speaking of mantras, I am on this spiritual path right now, and I realized how incredibly vulnerable is this state of transformation and how easily it would be for someone to gain control over you. Especially from all the gurus and spiritual guides out there, who aren’t actually guides in the sense of getting you to where you need to be, but rather enforce their view and personal experience on you and might more often than not lead you on a path away from where you need to be. And they all (most of them anyway) do it form a place of love. 🤢

However, we need guidance, especially when our parents weren’t very good at this, and we need a safe space to be vulnerable that is not our home, a community in which it is ok to be vulnerable.

When a place becomes unsafe, whomever holds that space is to blame. However, one is not to blame for feeling unsafe within themselves. Blame is not constructive then. Such a state requires someone(s) to contain the person suffering until they can find security within themselves again.

And yes, a safe space is held by another human, who may be unsafe within themselves sometimes. However, when you hold responsibility for other people such a state may be a danger to them. If you commit to being responsible for someone else’s life, it’s the only time your needs and boundaries may need to be left aside. I don’t know if dad’s can understand this, but mothers surely can. That’s why, I am now looking for guidance only from women. Even here there is danger when they may have control over you. I do have many examples of that, but guidance may not be direct. I consider Marina Abramović a mentor. I never met her (actually chose not to meet her), but she changed my life radically and gave it a direction that got me into a beautiful place.

As a conclusion, do not give control over you to anyone, no matter how well intended they seem, you will only hurt yourself in the process. Always check your needs and boundaries and beware that they change as you change. Yes, surpass your limits, but do it on your own terms and in your own time.

Love, bye ❤️